How to love after being abused?

First off, you don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve to have a relationship. Also, remove sex from the equation completely and make that known at the outset. A guy will say a lot to get in your pants and if you start out with sex then the relationship will crumble. Find a like minded guy. This may mean moving outside your comfort zone and taste in men. You might consider using a reputable dating site to do this. You're also going to have to work on yourself. Every time you get close to someone you remember your past pain and clam up. You can't do that. It sounds like you are a damaged person, but the fact you still have some love proves you're not beyond repair. You should strongly consider getting professional help in dealing with your emotional trauma. The most important thing to remember though, is that things are only futile when you give up. You may try something a thousand times and fail, but thats all the more reason to try another thousand times. You can't succeed if you don't try. You don't deserve something if you're not willing to risk pain to get it. One last thing, the heart transends time. In other words, waiting for it to heal or "feel" will never happen unless you make it. You simply, no matter how hard it may be, need to let go of the pain and hate. God bless.