How can my Of Mice and Men essay be improved?

First of all, you need to make sure you do proper citations. EX: "I seen hundreds of men come by and every damn one of em’s got a little piece of land in their head’’ (Steinbeck). You have to be really careful with those, as teachers are quick to deduct points, and even report you for plagiarism. You need a better opening for your writing, as you have a very specific and lackluster beginning. I would write a paragraph that gives a brief summary, and add a thesis at the end of it. Make sure you underline "Of Mice and Men" throughout your piece. Try to avoid say "It shows" or "The author shows" as well. You could use more visual imagery, and more varied language throughout the writing. You use the word loneliness a lot. Although it's a crucial aspect in the book, adding synonyms would really spice it up. It has a really good start, you just need to clean it up and add some embellishments. Good luck!